Yesterday I had lunch with the "ladies". It was fun, I a nice lunch, chatted and held a newborn for two wonderful hours.
After being in the house for a few days, I felt the need to put a dress on and get slightly dolled up. I had a cute sun dress on that has a square neckline and perhaps showed a tiny bit more cleavage than I usually reveal but I felt good in it so I went for it.
As I'm holding the newborn in my arms, one of my friends looks over at me and says, "Um the china is coming out of the cabinet" what?? I look at her and then realize what she is saying. " put the china back in the cabinet" OK!! Fine so I pull up the top of my dress to cover up the boobs that this baby has revealed by holding onto my dress with his tiny fist. Another Southern ism... the china stays in the cabinet and is only brought out on special occasions. Whatever.
So I'm driving home and I drive by my neighbors house and I notice her dog laying under a tree in an empty lot panting like a wild dog. This dog is like 197 years old and I know for a fact that her Momma doesn't leave her outside when she's not home. I get home and text her and tell her that Molly is laying under a tree in another neighbors yard.
She calls me and says that she accidentally left her out and could I please go get her and put her back in the house. I say No problem!
So I change my clothes into shorts and a t-shirt and walk over to where I last saw the dog. It is 94 degrees out and about 90% humidity and I leave my sunglasses at home. I consider getting on my bicycle but think that this will only take a moment and why bother so I head out on foot. I walk over to where I saw Molly last and of course she is gone.
I start an all out search for this dog who I forgot to mention is practically totally deaf and can't hear the 500 times that I am calling her name.. " Molly" " Molly" "Molly"
I realize that I am an idiot and why am I even calling her because she can't hear me anyway. I walk all over and around her house to no avail. Can't find the damn dog anywhere. She has disappeared since I went home to change my clothes. Crap... now what?
I walk over to my friends house and let myself in and give her a ring in her car." sorry, can't find the dog but if I find her I'll bring her home and put her in the house for you" She says thanks and is horrified that I am walking the neighborhood looking fer her 250 year old deaf dog.
After a while of searching in the beastly heat, I give up and decide to head towards home. I figure if she shows up then I'll take her back.
As I am walking toward home I look into another neighbors open garage and there lying on the garage floor is Molly. Panting like a mad dog. I start clapping and calling her and she begins to hobble toward me. Molly suffers from a very bad case of some sort of arthritis or something so when she walks she looks like she's been hit by a car. So she tries to walk towards me and she can barely walk so I lean down to scoop her up. Mind you she is a yellow lab and VERY furry. I scoop her up and get an enormous mouth full of dog hair flying everywhere. I can't wipe the hair off of my face because I have this dog in my arms so I start to spit and blow in an attempt to get the 50,000 hairs off of my dace and lips. Didn't work.
I carry her all the way home, spitting and puffing at the dog hair all over me and put her in her house and get her a fresh bowl of water, the put her on the sofa and turn the ceiling fan on high for her. She can't stop panting, she's so hot. She has been locked outside in the heat for four hours.
My friend is horrified that she accidentally left the dog out but even more so she is mortified that I had to go and find her and carry her home.
All I can think of is that I see that her kitchen is full of last night dinner dishes and that thank GOD she is normal!! Every time we go over there her kitchen is immaculate and I spend the whole time wondering how she keeps her kitchen so clean and why I can't seem to do the same.
I walk home with a smile on my face.
I am happy to have been there to save Molly's life and even happier to see that my friend is normal like me and that she too has dirty dishes from last nights dinner still sitting in her sink too!
BTW The dog hair is still lingering on me, I just know it.
1 comment:
oh man how you make me laugh! love you and miss you!
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