Ari always tells me that I only write about Indy. Today it's all about her. Today was the last day of school for all of the kids but I feel the most emotions about my beautiful first born.
You see this was a hard year for her. Her world stood still for a bit and we wondered if she would come out of it unscathed or a bit beaten. She lost a very close friend to suicide. The entire 8Th grade lost a close friend. WE as parents stood by and watched them struggle and come together as a family and get each other through it.
I didn't want my baby's innocence taken away like this, I wanted to protect her from the pain. I wanted to take her pain away but I couldn't. She had to feel it. She had to mourn. I just kept telling her that whatever she was feeling was OK to feel, but inside I was screaming to take away her pain.
She is emerging from this. She is growing from it. She has managed to continue to bring home A's and also a great attitude.
Sometimes I wonder why she is a little quieter. Says a little less than before, but I know this will take time, more than a few short months. She will emerge a little scarred. Who wouldn't? I am a little scarred. Yet even though her world stood still for a bit, she grew a couple of inches, and was still voted "most outgoing" by her peers.
She is strong, beautiful, smart, kind, hysterically funny and I am thankful every day that I have her in my life and that she has the rest of HER life to experience joy.
4 comments:
time for Ari Kat to have some Aunt Shelley time I think.
How about some tea with G. Kitty and shopping? That will fix a girl up! Really though Stephanie, beautiful writing! I'm so proud of you! xoxo Mom
You are quite a wonderful writer Stephanie and I am so sorry that Arianna had to experience such an incredibly painful loss. Suicide of a friend is a double whammy and there is so much those left behind must process, question and "if only". Please tell her that having experienced this particular kind of loss twice now, it DOES get easier with time and that absolutely no one is to blame. The most we can hope for is our own appreciation of the preciousness of this life.
heey ari!!!! its kelly! oh my goodness i havent talk to you in forever :( i really want to see you. by the way...im so sorry to hear about the lose of your friend.
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