Thursday, September 15, 2011

Suck it In

Ari had a game tonight.
I arrived early and hungry. I'm always hungry but tonight I was especially starving. Just as the girls were warming up, the coach flagged me off from the top of the bleachers and asked me to be a line judge. Now if you don't know anything about volleyball, I'll explain. Aline judge must stand on the outer corner of the court and be able to call the ball either "IN" or "OUT" when it hits the ground. You are essentially "ON DISPLAY".
You will not find a single parent anywhere who likes to call lines because we are all afraid of making a bad call and...

 I'll speak for the ones that won't say it out loud...

wait for it...

We don't want have to suck our stomachs in the whole night.

There, I said it. I know we were all thinking it but I'll be the one to put it out there.

I don't want to have to suck my stomach in while on display for everyone to look at.
I told the head ref that I was gonna have to hold my gut in while I did this job so if she saw me look like I was about to faint then blow the whistle so I could take a moment to breathe.
Every time I walked past her for the rest of the night she whispered " suck it in!"

So I spent the entire game with my stomach growling and my stomach sucked in. On display.
Thank GAWD I changed from my sundress to jeans and a loose fitting top before I went to the game.

I'm just sayin.

Monday, September 12, 2011

19 Years

19 years ago today I married my one true love.

I loved you right from the start.

you have been so good to me

we have celebrated much.

We are truly blessed.

Thank you for 24 years of adventures. I look forward to many more.

I love you with all my heart.


Friday, September 9, 2011

Intruder in Custody

While minding my own business this morning...
I came upon an intruder.

I was tidying up the kitchen counter next to my purse and there he was...



I could have screamed and thrown a butcher knife at it.

But I would never do that.

So I put a glad container over him to contain him and slid him off the kitchen counter onto the lid.

Then we had a little chat.
 Dear lizard, Stay the HELL out of my house. Every time you or one of your friends gets caught in my
  screened in porch... I lovingly catch you and relocate you to the garden. Just because I've been leaving my doors open because there isn't any humidity... Does NOT give you the green light to cruise through my house and make yourself at home.

If I catch you in my house again... I might not be so nice. 
Please stay outside in the woods where you belong.

Love me.

And then I walked him outside and put him in a tree. I think he got the message loud and clear.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I've Been Drafted

I've managed to avoid this day for 16 years.
When Ari started kindergarten, I was 9 months pregnant with Alex so that was a good OUT.

Next came Indy so I was good for a few more years.

When Indy started school, I would offer to help any Parent who was crazy brave enough to take on the dreaded "room Mom" title.
I have always been a fixture in all of my kids schools and have helped out as often as needed and asked.
Indy has a new teacher this year. Not only is she new to the school but she is new to teaching. She is darling and I love that Indy has her. 
I have told all the other third grade teachers that they had better help our new girl out so she won't be scared off the first year and run for the hills, ( I would totally run for the hills).

So in my effort to help out as much as possible I put my name down on the "room Mom Team" sign up sheet at back to school night, assuming lots of other parents would also sign up.  
 Little miss teacher called last night to tell me that no one else signed up for that job and would I mind um going to the "Room Mom" meeting tomorrow. Of course I said sure ( thinking I would surely be able to get out of it).

Not so much. 

I've officially been drafted with no chance of honorable discharge.

I'm in charge of this class of little punks.
I've always said that I'm not that mom. Not very crafty and frankly... not that nice. Someone is playing a joke on me. 
I've got two days to get my shit together so I don't look like a fool and so our sweet little miss Teacher has our full support and a bull dog by her side ( that's me).

I can do bull dog, I'm not so sure I can do sweet Suzy Homemaker room mom.

I will throw my  own personal twist into this job and do my best. I will write about it along the way so all of you future and present room parents can either relate to me or laugh your asses off at my expense.
Go ahead laugh..
I totally deserve it.
Maybe I'll make this crafty little bouquet of flowers just to show our new teacher that I am up for the challenge.

I think.