Thursday, July 1, 2010

I Am A Boat Captain

A few weeks ago when I took Ari to get her Drivers permit I decided that I should do something constructive and try and take the Boaters exam. I studied for a total of  about 1 1/2 hours online then took the boaters exam along side Ari as she took her drivers test. She got all dolled up and had her makeup on so her driver's permit picture would be gorgeous!
Me on the other hand hadn't yet showered that day as I was NOT going to have my picture taken. I was only there to take a computerized test and then assumably have them put some sort of secret sticker on my license to show that I am indeed a licensed vessel driver. So I took the test and passed.  Yay for me!! I was so excited until I hear the lady behind the desk tell me to stand on the black line so she can take my picture.
This is where you hear the screeching sound of a needle on a record player. That's right... WHAT?!?!
me-"Oh you must be mistaken..."
" I'm not here to take a new picture, I already have my Alabama drivers license."
"See? Here is it... This was the day I blew out and straightened my hair and put make up on and actually put on earrings too!"
 Lady-"Please step on the line Honey and we need to take a new picture of you today for your NEW license"
me- " But, But, I haven't showered or  put any makeup on yet today" It's 4:30 pm  BTW.

Lady- "It's OK Honey you look fine"
I do NOT look fine... My hair is pulled into a tight ugly knot in back and I am in need of a good root cover-up if you know what I mean, I have nothing on my eyes except for a few tiny pieces of yesterdays mascara.

I desperately rip my hair out of the greasy knot and try my best to fluff and shake it into submission. I flip my head upside down hoping that I will magically flip back up and look somewhat like a super model.
NO such luck.
So here I am standing on the black line with flat hair down to my jaw from being pulled so tight for so long and the the rest of my hair is resembling something like a frizzy straw thing. Big, flat and frizzy all rolled up into one big HOT mess.
I smile and get it over with while mumbling to myself that the only people who will ever see my license is a cop or a bar bouncer. And since I don't hang out in bars and I don't get pulled over too often then maybe all will OK with the world.

Meanwhile little miss priss (Arianna) is right next to me taking the most beautiful drivers permit picture we ever did see. Even the ladies behind the desk spend a good 2-3 minutes oohing and awing about how beautiful she is and how this is the most gorgeous picture they have ever seen. She sits there politely and smiles and I write the check for all of this afternoon fun and can't wait to get the Hell outta there.
My only consolation??? I am now the proud  recipient of a license to drive a water vessel. Oh and by the way, I have NEVER driven a boat, nor do we own a boat. Nor do we plan on buying a boat.

I'm just sayin.

1 comment:

1gkitty said...

Absolutely fabulous!!!! You made me laugh out loud! Love you to pieces, frizzy or not. xo