Thursday, May 27, 2010

Raise your hand if you have boob sweat

Went out tonight and saw Sex and the City with several of the ladies in my neighborhood. the movie was great...did not disappoint.

Um yea the movie was great, now lets go backwards and talk about the dinner BEFORE the movie. OK, we'll start by saying that it was about 90 degrees today and about 80% humidity. I hate both the heat AND the humidity. I am a big baby. I don't like to sweat. When I begin to sweat, My hair instantly goes into a ponytail so as to keep it from touching the back of my neck. Yea I'm a crazy weirdo who is a big baby.

So we show up at the restaurant and I begin to cry internally because all of the "ladies" from the neighborhood are sitting outside on the patio. I have on a knit dress and sandals and my hair is down because I just got it colored this morning and the hair lady gave me a super bitchin hair do that was rockin and I needed to take full advantage of my blow-out.

All the beautiful ladies were super decked out in their strapless tops and 5 inch wedge heels. I order a water along with their Cosmo's and settle in and have to meditate to NOT think about the sweat that is beginning to collect in my cleavage. Only one of the ladies is complaining about the heat. I say to her, " Amen sister".

They go on with the chit chat and totally ignore the sweltering heat that is upon us. the other one that is hot too, finally speaks up and asks if we can move inside. I say Yes lets do because the boob sweat is beginning and I won't be able to stop it. At this point they all look at me as if they have no idea what I'm talking about. Oh that's right... young ladies who have breast implants don't have the luxury of boob sweat. There is NO part of the breast that is lying on their stomach. they don't know what their missing.

The conversation turns to shopping. They all start asking each other where they shop. They all look adorable and super sexy. I start to panic because I realize that I'm wearing a dress from target and my sandals are also from target. SHIT I hope they don't ask me wear I shop. I love Target but these girls were NOT wearing clothes from Target, but more from " Cache".

Meanwhile back at the ranch there was a conversation going on that went something like this...

Alex " Ari can I take the apples out side and swack em with a tennis racket?"

Ari "NO Alex you can't"

Alex " why not?"

Ari " seriously Alex? you're gonna ask me that?" "of course you can't!!"

Alex " Fine then I'll take some pretzels and swack those!!"

Ari "NO, you cannot take pretzels outside and swack them either!"

Alex " you're the worst sister EVER, because you never let me do anything FUN!!"