Saturday, April 10, 2010

Never too Late

I have spent my whole life always knowing that I was just a tad bit *off*. Many a day I have sat at volleyball tournaments and tried like Hell to focus on the game but instead let the many things in my head and the goings on around me take over my focus. I try to accomplish a task at home only to get distracted and wander on to something else. The other day I went to call my doctor to make an appointment and saw how dirty my kitchen counter tops were. That immediately led me to polishing all the granite in the kitchen and then of course that led to the wiping and polishing of all of the kitchen cabinets, Which then led to vacuuming all the floors and so on. All of this and then I was exhausted, so I had to lye down and take a nap. When I woke up I remembered that I originally had intended to call the doctor, I finally got that done too.

This is how most of my days go. I have a list of things I want to accomplish with the house and I can't seam to focus on what I want to do first because I keep changing my mind, or I can't remember what I was doing. My poor husband doesn't know weather he's coming or going because his wife can't remember a conversation we had or a decision we made.
When the kids get home from school they all talk at the same time so I can't focus on any single thing that they are saying or what I am thinking. It makes me feel like I want to chew on my own arm.

When Ted and I went to Paris for our 10th anniversary ( I was pregnant with Indy) we went o the Louvre for the day. We had our one and only fight in Paris at the Louvre because he wanted to look at every single picture and artifact and i was incapable of doing that. I wanted to see the Mona Lisa and then go. Be on my merry way, eat lunch etc. I have figured out that unless something grabs my interest and holds me, I'm unable to stay focused...hence the birth of my favorite saying... "I've grown bored of this"

This week I was diagnosed with a pretty severe case of ADHD. We all know what that is... Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. It was not the least bit shocking to hear the diagnosis but more of a relief that after 43 years of this, I felt validated. This is weird coming at this stage in my life. Ted is sad that It took this long to diagnose me, and that I have missed out on some things because I was not capable of doing them. Most importantly going to college. I have very few regrets in my life but NOT going to College is my biggest one. I just wasn't able to do it. I tried but struggled so much that I dropped out.

The doctor has recommended a medication for me to take. It is not Ritalin but something in the same class of drugs. I am scared. I have only heard negative things about these meds and their use in ADHD for kids. As it turns out, most of what I thought i knew was incorrect info. My doctor has told me that this med will keep me more balanced and help me to stay more focused. It is in a sence a major stimulant. However, the stimulant doesn't have the same effect on a person with ADHD as it does on an average person. The average person would essentially feel drugged and doped up on uppers. The ADHD person simply will feel normal and balanced.

Today is my first day on my medication. I am only to take it once a day in the morning as it will last for twelve hours. I took it at 9:00am so that when it wears off tonight it will be around bed time for me. I have been told that when the drug wears off , I will sort of *crash*. I am a bit worried , but since I am not really a night owl I am OK with the readiness to go to sleep. So far my side effects have been a nasty belly ache and a bit of nausea. I did have a headache this afternoon but I can't tell if that is from my meds or from the front door stain that was applied today and is wafting through the house at the moment.

I am sharing this with you all because on the day I was diagnosed, I read an article in the Wall Street Journal about adult ADHD. It basically said that most adults with ADHD go most of their lives and never get diagnosed. I think the article said that only 4% of adults with ADHD are actually diagnosed. My effort is to share my experiences with you so that the stigma attached with ADHD will subside and not be so scary to people. Plus my life is an open book and now I've got somethin to write about!